PINK HOUSE ARCHIVE |
1. A Sleepy Sunday (25th August 2001) 30 people. 15 flats. Countless stories. One house. Pink House. We begin our story on a sleepy Sunday morning, after a less sleepy Saturday night. We can tell it wasn't sleepy by the fact that there's a teenage girl, barely dressed, asleep on the doorstep. But then, to Mercedes Mayne, there's no such thing as a sleepy night. We'll find out more about her later on. The person we're looking for lives in the first flat on the ground floor. Her flat is pretty and well-kept, everything cosy and warm. On the sofa in the lounge, there is a small ginger kitten soundly sleeping. Or is it? At 6am on the dot, Biscuit the kitten wakes up, yawning and stretching. He jumps off the sofa and starts to run towards the bedroom, running faster and faster and, when he reaches the doorway, he launches into a huge jump, right onto the face of a sleeping young woman. Well, she's not sleeping any more. "Biscuit!" she murmurs to the cat, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "I'm not working today!" Biscuit meowed and ran towards the kitchen. The woman reluctantly followed him. He wants to be fed, she thought. As he wanted, she fed him. Then came the morning routine: have breakfast, take shower, get dressed, go outside to listen to the row. "What is it?" snapped Mercedes, as a young man, slightly older than her, woke her up. "You've been out again, haven't you?" he demanded. "You broke your promise! What kind of example are you setting young Darien by living your life like an irresponsible child?" "For the last time, Chester," she indignantly replied, "I don't have anything to do with you or that bloody kid any more! Unlike you, I have a life to live, and I'm sick of you getting on my back every bleedin' morning! Now get lost!" With that, she stormed into the block and up the stairs. Chester walked slowly behind her, trying not to show how upset he was. "Morning, Angel," he said to the woman. "Morning, Chester," she replied. "She done it again?" "Yup," he said. "Sometimes, I worry there'll be another poor kid with her for a mother. I even worry about her sometimes. Drink, drugs, sex every night. Doesn't she know it's bad for her? I can't believe she's so stupid." "Never mind her, she's a bitch," said Angel. "She's almost as bad as Bitcharse. You've got Darien and yourself to worry about without her involved." "First of all, no-one's as bad as Bitcharse," replied Chester, starting to show his anxiety. "And second of all..." He stopped, as a little boy aged about seven walked down the stairs, rubbing his eyes. "Dad," said the boy to Chester, "why are you always down here? And who's the bad lady who sleeps outside?" "It's not important, Darien," Chester stuttered. "Just go back to the flat, son, I'll be up in a bit." "Hi Darien!" Angel said sweetly, smiling at the boy. "Good morning Auntie Angel," Darien replied, smiling back, before returning to his home upstairs. "So what were you saying?" Angel asked Chester. "Erm...I can't actually remember," he said. "I'd better go sort Darien out. See ya later, take care." He followed Darien up the stairs. "See ya!" called Angel, waving up at him. She felt something fluttering in her chest. Bloody butterfly, she thought, slapping at her breast, only to realise nothing was there. When she had returned to her flat, she sat down on the sofa and Biscuit instantly jumped up on her lap. She started stroking him and thinking about things. Poor Chester, she thought, trying to bring up little Darien all on his own. If only Mercedes wasn't so lazy...lazy like... "Misti!" she shouted, scaring Biscuit so much that he ran and hid behind the TV. "Damn, I gotta get her up!" Angel ran to the flat opposite hers, knocking on the door. Misti, her best friend, was unbelievably lazy, and worked on a Sunday morning. There was no way she'd get herself up, so Angel had to go and get her up every week. She knocked on the door of Misti's flat. "Come in!" a voice called. Angel opened the door and walked in, to see a short, scrawny teenage girl sitting on the sofa, watching TV. "Morning Kristi," she said to the girl. "Where's Misti?" "Hey Angel!" said Kristi. "She's still in bed. You can go and get her up if you like." Angel smiled to herself. This was always the best part. She wandered into the bedroom, picking up a small black kitten on the way. Misti was lying in the bed, fast asleep. Slowly but surely, Angel dropped the kitten on her face and ran out of the room. When she was back in the living room, she heard a loud meow. Misti walked in, holding Mikki the kitten, to see Angel and Kristi laughing. "Who did this?" Misti demanded. "You scared the life outta me!" "Just had to get you up," said Angel, still sniggering. "Well you shoulda known that I'm feeling sick and taking a day off," replied Misti. "Can't-be-arsed disease again," Kristi muttered to Angel. "Oh...you..." Misti stammered. As she walked over to them, James, their other cat, got in the way and she tripped over him, forcing Mikki to run away, her nightie to fly up over her face and Angel and Kristi to fall about in hysterics. After a lot of uncontrollable laughter from them and loud cursing from Misti, Kristi decided it was a good time to leave. "I gotta go see Faith," she said. "Bye Angel, bye sis!" With that, she left the flat and Angel and Misti sat down. "Honestly, you do some funny things sometimes," said Angel. "You're a living cock-up!" "Well you're a living...erm..." Misti retaliated, looking around for something to say. "Erm...chest of drawers! You're a living chest of drawers." "Chester? What's he got to do with anything?" Angel said, blushing. "I dunno, you brought him up," said a puzzled Misti, trying to work out what Angel was on about. She worked it out and smirked. "I think someone's been bitten by the lurve-bug!" "What? What are you on?" Angel frantically said, her face now scarlet red. "I don't fancy Chester, I just love, I mean pity him! Poor Chester, poor Darien, poor...oh arse. I admit it! I'm mad about the guy, he rocks my world!" "Ah ha! Knew it!" Misti said in triumph, "you're not so perfect after all. Even Lil Miss stay-out-of-everything can fall in love with Mr. in-the-middle-of-everything." "Don't tell Sarah, will you?" whispered Angel. "She'll go crazy and start trying to fix us up and stuff, and you know how it is." "Don't worry babe, I got yo' back," Misti replied. "Besides, no matter how much you want him, it's best you stand well back, he's way out of your league." "Why?" asked Angel. "Well, being as he has one heck of a dysfunctional family," explained Misti, "he's probably got a just a little too much on his mind, don'tcha think?" Angel stayed silent, considering. Maybe he has. But maybe...just maybe...he needs me...ouch! Misti had slapped Angel on the back. "What'd ya do that for?" said Angel, angrily. "You were in your own little chest of drawers again!" Misti replied. "Chest of drawers, Chester's drawers. Geddit?" Misti burst out laughing. "Oh, ha ha," said Angel, sarcastically. "Hey Miss Perfect," said Misti, "you cocked up! Ha ha!" *** In the flat next to Angel's, Sarah Cattell was making plans. Today, her old college room-mate Jess was coming to live with her. As her old lodger Kimberley had got married and left, she had a spare bedroom which she was setting up for Jess to sleep in. In their college days, Jess had always been a tidy, studious sort of girl, so Sarah assumed she'd be very much the same. She'll probably have come on business, Sarah thought to herself. She'll be making lots of money...Sarah had an idea. What if she was making enough money to buy them a house? She'd be out of Pink House forever! Yes! This is not the kind of idea most residents of Pink House would be having, but Sarah had some bad experiences with two of the block's most gorgeous men, namely Wes Williams and Damien Winky. They had both two-timed her, and then married the other woman in both cases. Wes had married the former landlady Bianca "The Beast" Bestley, and Damien had married her own lodger, Kimberley. She shuddered when she thought of them. But then, she had some good friends in Pink House, like Angel and Misti, and there were loads more men in the block. In fact, she thought, Adam Lawson would be just perfect for Jess! She just had to do what she did best: fix them up. Just then, the doorbell rang. "Door's open!" called Sarah. Angel and Misti walked in. "Hi!" they chorused. "Hey kids," said Sarah. "Wazzup?" "Oh, Misti tripped over the cat and showed off her knickers," said Angel, still laughing at the moment, although Sarah didn't seem to get it. "Well Angel's cocked up too!" Misti interrupted. "She wants to get inside Chester's drawers!" Sarah wolf-whistled, and Angel gave Misti a dig in the ribs. "Ouch!" said Misti. "What'd ya do that for?" "Well well well," said Sarah, pacing the room. "Taking a bit of a risk here, aren't we Angel? But then, when we're this much in love, we don't care about little obstacles such as seven-year-old sons and drugged-up ex-girlfriends, do we? My advice to you, my dear Angel: keep your distance. There's boys around with normal lives who are much better-looking." "Actually," said Angel, breathing a huge sigh of relief, "we didn't come here to talk about Chester, we just came to ask when Jess'll be here." "Ah, OK," replied Sarah. "She'll be here at about lunchtime-ish." "K," said Angel. "Is she coming to Lucinda's rave tonight?" "Is Adam going?" Sarah asked. "Erm...yeh, I think so," answered Misti. "Then I'll ask her," said Sarah. "Why are you asking about Adam?" asked Misti, a little concerned. "Why aren't you at work?" Sarah asked back. "Long story," said Angel. "Same here," said Sarah, "now move along while I finish up here." "OK, see ya later," said Misti. They left and went next door to Angel's flat. Greeted by Biscuit's meows, they fed him and then sat and talked. "What was she going on about?" asked Angel. "She likes Adam!" said Misti. "She's a fall in love again, and we know how lucky her love-life is!" "What, how lucky is it?" said Angel in confusion. "You dumbarse!" Misti raged. "Haven't you been watching what happened to Sarah? Or have you been too busy thinking about Chester's drawers to bother?" Angel was taken aback, but Misti carried on. "Don't you remember what happened with Wes? And with Damien? Come on, are you a bloody corpse or what?" "Calm down, no need to get mad," Angel replied, moving away from Misti. "Of course I remember all that, but those men are just bastards! Who says this time's a be the same?" "I say, that's who!" hissed Misti. "It's her problem, ya know, she comes on too strong and scares them off." "I don't think any girl would scare Wes or Damien," stated Angel. Misti nodded her head in agreement. "Maybe so," said Misti, "but still, we gotta protect her. We don't want her getting hurt again, so we gotta do what we can to keep her away from Adam. OK?" Angel hesitated, but then agreed. Not because she thought it was right, but because she was intimidated by Misti. *** Later on that day, Chester knocked on Mercedes' door. "What is it?" she said as she stood in the doorway, not letting him in. "Lucinda invited me to the rave tonight," said Chester. "Yeh, everyone's going, now get lost!" Mercedes irately replied, slamming the door in Chester's face. He knocked again. "What now?" said Mercedes, sounding bored and evidently busy. "Well, I hardly came just to tell you I'm going," said Chester. "I came to ask you if you can look after Darien tonight so I can go." Mercedes laughed an evil laugh. "You tell me I'm irresponsible, and now you're asking me to babysit so you can have a dirty night out!" she cackled. "Well let me tell you that there's no way I'ma waste my night with the bloody kid while you're out having fun." "Well do you know anyone who will?" Chester asked. "Just leave her with what's-her-name downstairs, the one who already has the kid," suggested Mercedes. "She won't be going, so there's your way out." "Faith?" said Chester. "But she's only 16! Isn't one kid enough for her?" "Well, you could always leave her with Bitcharse, but..." Mercedes began. "I'll go see her now!" Chester interrupted, walking over to Faith's flat. Mercedes closed her door and carried on getting ready for the rave. Once Chester had gone into the flat, a head poked round the door of a flat nearby. The young girl laughed to herself, then went down the stairs and knocked on one of the doors. "Hold on, hold on!" came a voice, female with a strong Liverpudlian accent. A chubby menopausal woman, with a phone in her hand and a towel round her hair, answered the door. Her face fell when she saw the girl. "Hello Mrs Smith," said the girl in a sickly-sweet voice. "Does Chloe wanna come over to my flat?" "Hang on, Laura," replied Mrs Smith. She walked back into the flat and then returned with a girl slightly younger than Laura. "Hiya," said the other girl. "Now be back in an hour, Chloe, or yeh'll miss yer dinner," Mrs Smith told Chloe. "See ya later mum," said Chloe. She and Laura retreated up the stairs. When they reached Laura's flat, they walked in and Laura slammed the door behind them. She cornered Chloe, who was frightened, in case Laura's mum came in. "W..w...where's your m...mum?" stuttered Chloe. "Out," replied Laura. "Now, I got a proposition for ya." "What is it?" asked Chloe, relieved that Laura's mum wasn't in. "There's a rave tonight," Laura explained, "and we're a go." "What? Why?" said Chloe, now less relieved, wondering why Laura wanted to. "We never have any fun," said Laura, "and this party is our one chance. Now, go back to your flat, and come staright back after dinner. We can sort out our make-up and stuff." Chloe wandered back downstairs to her flat, worried about what would happen next. *** That night, when Lucinda opened the door to the club, almost everyone was outside, dying to get in. Leanne, Faith's big sister who was mad about clubbing, was the first to go in, followed by Angel, Misti, Sarah and Jess, who had come with her. Soon everyone was in, and the last to enter were Chester and Mercedes, arguing as usual. The only people missing who were coming were Laura and Chloe, who hadn't finished getting ready, and Angel's twin brother Fred, who had fallen asleep. In the club, Damien Winky was flirting with every girl he hadn't dated and making fun of every girl he had. Bridget Smith, Chloe's big sister, who was feeling too down to dance, was his first victim. "Hey Bridge, why the long face? Missing me?" Damien said to her, laughing. "A little down and out? Scared of reaching the big three-oh? When's yer birthday anyway?" "Next month," sulked Bridget. "Not long to go then, eh?" said Damien. "Aww, what a shame. I'm still 25, ya know. Still in me prime, still gettin' all the girls. By the way, have you met Kimberley? Come 'ere, love." Kimberley walked over to him and he put his arm around her. "Ain't she sweet?" They walked away from her, looking for someone else to upset. Bridget was even more depressed now. Why oh why did he have to do this all the time? Sarah was introducing Jess to everyone when she saw Adam. He was on his own too. This was the perfect time to get them together! "Hey Jess, I think I've found the perfect guy for you," she told her. "Oh yeh? Who?" asked Jess. "Ah, you'll love him," said Sarah. "He's sweet, loving and dead sexy. He's right over..." She stopped. Wes was walking over to her. She better hide. "Hi, are you the...erm, new girl?" Wes said to Jess. "I'm William Wesleys...uh, Wesley Williams. I...I live in erm...Pink House." "I live in Pink House too," Jess replied, smiling. "I live with Sarah, you know Sarah." "Yeh, I know Sarah," said Wes, hesitating. "You know, if you ever need anything, help, stuff, sex...did I say sex? Oh damn, I gotta go...there." He blushed and began to walk away. "Wait!" called Jess. Wes looked back at her. "You...you know where I live, right? Flat number three, on the ground floor." "W...wow! I'm in flat number four!" said Wes, walking back to Jess. "Just come in if you need anything, I hope we can be friends and...arg!" He'd walked right into the wall and fallen over backwards. "Wes, are you OK?" said Jess, running over to him, while a lot of people had burst out laughing. She kneeled down by him. "You'll be alright. Have you hit anything?" "I think I hurt my doodah," said Wes, sounding confused. "Weslaaaaaaay!" called someone. A woman walked over to them. "Whatcha done now?" "He musta hit his head," Jess said. "Oh look! Barbie!" said Wes, pointing at the woman and laughing. "Yup, definitely," 'Barbie' said, obviously very cheesed off. "Come on, you," she said to Wes, grabbing his feet and pulling him out of the door. "Wait till I get you home!" "Wow, that Beast is a right cow sometimes," said Misti, walking over to Jess. "Who was that?" asked Jess. "Bianca, the Beast," replied Misti. "She used to be our landlady. No-one likes her." "Ah, OK," said Jess. "Cheers." The Beast, eh? She thought to herself. Wes can't like her. I bet he likes me so much better. I want him. As Bianca walked out, Chloe and Laura were hiding in the bushes. "Something's happened," said Laura. "No-one'll notice if we go in now. Come on!" But Fred was coming up the path at the same time, and as they jumped out of the bushes, they jumped right in front of him. "What? Who are you?" said a bemused Fred. "I know! You're those kids! What the heck are you guys doing here?" "We're...erm..." stuttered Chloe. "Going to the party!" Laura cut in. "Ya see, we kids don't ever have any fun, so my mum thought it'd be OK if we came out here." "But you're just kids!" said Fred. "Lucinda'll kill me if she finds out I've let you in!" "But if you don't let us in, I'll tell my mum you did all the graffiti in the toilets," Laura retaliated. "Now would you rather get a little lippin' from Lucinda, and she'll probably never even know it was you anyway, or have my mother kick you out of Pink House?" Fred scratched his head. "I see your point," said Fred. "And I see yours when you look at Misti," said Chloe. "Want her to know you like her?" "No, no! Come on in, please!" said Fred. "Now what should I call you?" "Call me Larissa," said Laura, "and her...Clarissa. It'll do for now." "You're two teenagers who are way too small for your age," said Fred. "OK?" "Fine," said Laura. "Now let's go." Fred led the girls into the club. "They're with me," he said to Lucinda as he walked past her. He left them by the chairs and went to talk to his friends. "Chloe!" said Laura, quietly so no-one could hear her. "That Misti thing was genius! How'd you think of it?" "I dunno, I just did," replied Chloe. "Now let's party!" The girls went to dance. Meanwhile, Damien was chatting Lucinda up. "Hey birthday girl," he said. "Got any kisses yet?" "Well now that you mention it..." Lucinda began. "Pith! Forget those guys. Now you're 18, you need a real man," said Damien. "Now come over here, I'll show you what it's all about." He walked over to Bridget, Lucinda following. "Hey Bridge, look what I got!" Damien said to her. "Betcha haven't got a dance all night, old girl, but you're a bit too mature for that stuff now, ain'tcha? At your age, you should be at home and...ouch!" Lucinda had slapped him round the face. "Serves you right, you little bastard," she shouted. "Get a God-damned life!" The room was silent for a few seconds, but the silence was broken by another slap. This time, Mercedes had slapped Chester. "What'd ya do that for?" he said, holding his face. "Cuz you're a little bastard," snubbed Mercedes. She walked away with her nose in the air...right into Laura and Chloe. They fell right off their high heels. Mercedes stared. "What? We're just teenagers, small for our age," said Laura. The girls scrambled to their feet and walked away, but David, Chloe's older brother, stopped them. "Stop!" he called. "Chloe, is that you?" "No, her name's Clarissa," said Laura, "and I'm Larissa and I've never met you. Ciao!" They carried on walking, but David grabbed their hands. "You are Chloe!" he accused. "And you're Bitcharse...I mean Mrs Pitchards' daughter!" "What imbecile let these kids in?" shouted Lucinda, still angry. Fred scarpered. "Fred, wait!" Angel called after him. She followed him out the door, and so did Misti, Sarah, Jess, Leanne and some of Fred's friends. Eventually, everyone but Lucinda, David, Bridget and Chester had left. "Well done David," said Lucinda, smiling. "You're the best." "Thanks, you too," said David. "Now come on, let's get outta here." "Sure, you wanna come round mine?" suggested Lucinda. "No-one's in, it'll be just you and me tonight." They walked out of the door, hand in hand. Bridget walked over to Chester. "Are you OK?" she asked him. "Did it hurt?" "A little," he replied. "She's got a strong arm on her." "Bitch," said Bridget. "So, just us now." "Yeh," replied Chester. "Hey, since it's only us, you wanna..." Let's leave it there. That's just a sleepy Sunday in the life of Pink House. If that's just one day, what's next? We'll find out soon. 2. Friends, Lovers And Bitches (1st September 2001) "See ya round Dawn!" called Lindy Parker from the top of the stairs. Mrs Smith waved up at her, then walked back to her flat. Lindy took her door-key out of her pocket and opened the door with it. "Hello? Lucinda?" she called. "Mother's home! Where are you?" She opened her daughter's bedroom door and looked to see if Lucinda was in her bed. She was... "Arg! Mum!" screamed Lucinda. "What are you doing here?" "Saving your life by the looks of it," said Lindy. "Who is that?" "It's...erm..." stuttered Lucinda. "I think I better be leaving now," said David from under the blanket. "Gimme a minute, please Mrs Parker?" "OK," said Lindy. "I've heard that voice before...who is he?" She walked out the door. David got out of the bed. "I should get dressed," he said. "K, you do that," said Lucinda. "You don't mind me being here, do ya?" "Nah, I don't care," said David, "you saw all of me last night." David started to get dressed, and so did Lucinda. "So," said Lucinda, "how was it for you?" "Oh, great," replied David. "What'd you think?" "Well, you're definitely well-equipped," said Lucinda, "and you know your way around. Have you done this before?" "Yeh, a bit," said David. "Anyone I know?" Lucinda asked. "Sorry, I'm just nosy." "Erm...yeh, you are nosy," David answered. He quickly put his clothes on. "I better go. See ya round." He kissed her on the cheek and left. Lucinda sat down and thought. He must be hiding something. But what? *** Meanwhile, in Fred's flat, he woke up when he saw his two flatmates, James and Billy, staring at him. "What?" he said, sleepily. His friends sniggered. "Look to your left," said Billy. Fred looked and... "Arg! Sarah!" he screamed. "What are you doing here?" "That's what I'd like to know," said Sarah. "And that's not all," said James. "Look to your right." Fred looked again and... "Omigod. Is that...is that...Misti?" said Fred, swooning. "Yeh it's me," said Misti, "and I dunno why the hell I'm here. Come on Sarah, let's go." When they got up, they both screamed. "Arg, where are my clothes?" said Sarah. The guys turned and looked, and their eyebrows raised. James wolf-whistled at them. "Stop staring!" shouted Misti. The girls grabbed their clothes and ran to the bathroom. "Nice T&A!" Billy called after them. "What's T&A?" asked Fred. "Tits and ass," replied Billy, "didn't you know that? You're gay." "Somehow, I don't think so," said James. "He did just wake up next to two women..." "Oh yeh, man!" said Billy. "Well done!" Just then, there was a tiny knock on the door. A small child opened the door. "Have you seen daddy?" he asked. "No, sorry Darien, we haven't," replied Fred. Darien walked out of the door. "Hey, where is Chester?" asked James. *** Funny you should ask. Over on the other side of town, the club that had last night been filled with bright lights, loud music and dancing people was now nothing but a dark, empty building with no-one inside. But despite that, up on top of the building... "What happened?" Bridget asked Chester, yawning and stretching. "I dunno," he replied. "I musta drunk too much." "I think I did too," said Bridget. "So what do we do now?" asked Chester. "Well we can start by swapping clothes," giggled Bridget. Chester looked himself over and realised he was wearing the very dress that Bridget had worn last night. "Erm...yeh, we better," said Chester, blushing. "Hey, don't be embarrassed," Bridget reassured him, "you've seen me without clothes, and I've seen you too. And I must say, you are sweet!" "You ain't so bad yourself, Bridgey," said Chester. "Now come on, let's switch back." They went downstairs into the toilets to change, and somewhere in the middle...we'll leave this one to your imagination. *** Back in Pink House, Sarah had returned to her flat and was now getting ready for work. Jess was sitting on the bed talking to her (Sarah decided not to talk much about the night before, she just said she'd stayed with Misti - which was kinda true). "So you're not working then?" asked Sarah. "Nope," replied Jess. "I just got outta college, I stayed on another couple years. I'll go out and look for something today." "Ah, that's OK then," said Sarah. "As long as you're not planning to live off me..." "No, no way," said Jess. "I'll be living off myself." "Well I gotta go," Sarah said. "See ya later." "Bye!" Jess called to her as she left. Jess waited a minute and then checked that the coast was clear. No Sarah, no Misti, no Bianca...no-one who could pick on her. She did a quick mirror check, then crept out into the hallway. She tried to remember what she heard last night. Flat four, was it? Yup, definitely. She wandered over, but when she was halfway there, she saw the door of his flat opening. She hid under the stairs. There he was. Wes Williams, in all his glory...and where was he going? He was going to Jess's flat! Just when she wanted to see him, he wanted to see her... She's not there, thought Wes. Dammit! She would be out when I want her. But in that case, she'd be out all the time...man, I'm in love! But Bianca...oh arse. He then spotted Jess under the stairs. "Hey, Jess!" he called to her. "Wes! I was just going to see you, I wondered where you'd gone!" Jess called back, getting out from under the stairs. "I wanted to see you too," said Wes. "Wanna come back to mine?" "Hmm...OK," replied Jess. They walked together over to his flat. "Well, here it is," said Wes, as they got in. "This is it." "It's...nice," said Jess, looking around. "I like the...personal touch." "It's a mess, isn't it?" said Wes, frantically. "I shoulda cleaned up, shouldn't I?" "No, no!" said Jess, trying to calm him down. "It's fine. Really. I was being stuck-up, I'm like that sometimes. Damn, I'm too stuck-up aren't I? I bet you hate me now." "Course not!" said Wes, sitting down on the sofa. "In fact, quite the contrary...no, I shouldn't say it." "Say what?" asked Jess, smiling sweetly and sitting down next to him. "Tell me." "I...I..." Wes stuttered. "You...you..." said Jess. "I love...I love...I kinda like...I think...I'm deeply...crap, I can't...bollocks...I love you!" Wes eventually said. He became light-headed and lost track of what he was doing, so he just grabbed Jess and kissed her. Wes wasn't the only one who got lost in the moment. Jess felt like she was floating on air. This was the best kiss she'd ever had, and she didn't even see it coming. She checked her watch. Three minutes and still going strong! I'm the luckiest girl in the world, she thought. Or maybe not... "Hi Wes! I forgot my...oh my God." Bianca had returned, and Wes hadn't even noticed. She had to go up behind him and slap him before he realised she was there, and when he did, he freaked out. "Bianca! It's...it's not what you think!" he said, dropping Jess on the floor and falling to Bianca's feet. "Oh yeh, that's original," fumed Bianca. "Next you're a tell me she passed out and you had to give her mouth-to-mouth, or are you rehearsing for some bloody play?" "I'd better go, this could get ugly," said Jess. "It already did, when you came in," hissed Bianca. Jess glared evilly and left the flat. She stood outside the door and listened. She heard Bianca chucking abuse and Wes's pathetic whimpers. They went on for ages, and Jess knew she should go home, but she was glued to the spot. She wanted to see what happened to Wes. After all the shouting and screaming, the door flew open and Wes flew out. "Hey, what about my stuff?" he said. A second later, a suitcase came out of the door and almost landed on his head. "There you go, you bastard!" shouted Bianca. "And I won't be needing this!" She threw her wedding ring out and Wes caught it. Bianca slammed the door. "Oh my God, are you OK?" said a concerned Jess. "Did you hurt your..." "A bit, but I'm more emotionally hurt," cried Wes. "I knew it was coming, but I didn't think it would end like this. My first marriage, which I thought would be forever, right down the toilet." "I'm so sorry I flushed it," said Jess. "I had no idea you were married, if I'd known I woulda kept away." "Nah, it's not your fault," said Wes, getting up, "it's mine. When I meet a girl I like, a girl like you, I forget everything. All thoughts of Bianca and the marriage and everything else just disappear. From the moment I saw you, you were all I could think about." "Wow," said Jess. "I was the same. That first sight, the first words you said to me, the way you walked into that wall..." "Yeh, that was kinda funny wasn't it?" said Wes, starting to laugh through the tears. "Course it was!" said Jess, also beginning to laugh. "You see, any other guy would be really embarrassed and never talk to me again, but you're different. You know how to laugh at yourself. I love that in a guy." "That's great," said Wes, "just great." All of a sudden, the Pink House doors slammed open and in came Bridget and Chester. "I better go home now," said Chester, "I got a kid to sort out." "Yeh, I guess so," said Bridget. "Last night and this morning were fun though." "Best morning of my life, baby," said Chester. "See ya!" He went up the stairs. "Bye!" Bridget called after him. "I'll come round tonight!" "So," Jess said to Bridget, "nice day, eh?" "Very nice," answered Bridget. "Man, I'm in love." "Chester?" said Jess, concerned. "But isn't he..." "He broke up with Mercedes a long time ago," said Bridget. "And a little fun and love in his life is what he needs after all that." "Yeh," said Wes, "you down-and-outs'll be perfect for each other." "We're not down-and-outs!" argued Bridget. "I think you and the Beast are more like down-and-outs, you're so wrong for each other!" "I know," said Wes, starting to sound depressed again. "You know?" said Bridget, confused. "What do you mean, you know? I thought you two were happy together!" Wes just fell to the floor, crying. "She just chucked him out," Jess told Bridget. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" apologised Bridget. "I had no idea!" "Now I have nowhere to live and my bits hurt and I walk into walls!" cried Wes. "Aww, you poor thing!" said Jess, picking Wes up and hugging him. "Don't worry. You can come and live with me and everything'll be OK." "Are you sure you've got room?" asked Wes. "Well, I have a sofa," suggested Jess. "Yeh, OK," said Wes, hesitant. "Sofa it is." "Oh, are you sure you'll be comfortable enough?" said Jess. "Cuz I have a double bed if...no, you won't want to do that." "Damn right I will!" said Wes. "I mean...sure, OK." "Great, I'd like that," said Jess. "I'd like that a lot. Come on, let's move you in!" They walked into Jess's flat, and at the same time, Misti walked out of her flat. "Hey Bridge!" she said. "Whatcha doing out here?" "I'm just so happy I forgot to go home," said Bridget in her spaciest voice. "I'm in love! You know how it is." "Like hell I do," said Misti. "So who is it? Spill!" "I...I don't th-think I should t-tell you," stammered Bridget, blushing. "Ah go on, I won't tell anyone," said Misti. "But still, I..." said Bridget. "Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on!" demanded Misti. "Oh OK," said Bridget. "It's...it's Chester Kitten." Misti didn't say anything. How could she tell Bridget that she wasn't the only one who wanted in Chester's drawers? Should she tell Angel? She had no idea. *** Sarah was on her way home from work when she saw James at a nearby café. "Hey Sarah!" he beckoned her. "Over here!" She walked over to him. "Hey James, what's up?" she said. "Not much," James replied. "Just...waiting for someone." "Who?" asked Sarah. "Oh, just...someone," said James. "That someone being..." said Sarah. "Kristi," said James, "Kristi Morgan." "Kristi Morgan? Why her?" Sarah asked. "I just need to talk to her about something," said James, "something important. Something I wouldn't trust most people with." "Well how come you trust her, of all people?" Sarah continued. "She's just 16, she's just a child! If it's that important...sorry, I'm intruding aren't I?" "With all due respect, ma'am," said James, "yes, you are." "Sorry," said Sarah. "Well, I better be getting home then. Bye!" She ran away as quickly as she could. She couldn't get out of there fast enough. She couldn't get him out of her mind. Kristi Morgan? Misti's sister? Why her? What was going on between them? When she got home, there were more surprises in store. Sitting on her sofa, in her lounge, were Jess and Wes. Her friend and the traitor. Looking like...like...like they were in love. "What the heck is going on here?" Sarah shouted. Wes and Jess turned round. "Sarah! Hi!" said Jess. "Wes is staying the night, is that OK?" "Doesn't he have a Beast to go home to?" said Sarah, her head filling with anger. "She dumped him," said Jess, her voice going soft. "Good for her!" said Sarah. "She now sees what a bastard she was married to!" "Sarah, what is up with you?" said Jess. "Melt the stone, man!" "Melt the stone? Melt the stone?" raged Sarah. "You're telling me to melt the stone when you're letting my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me for some tarty bitch named Bianca the Beast, stay in my flat!" "Well sor-ry Sarah," said Jess, starting to get mad too, "but this isn't just your flat you know, it's mine too! And besides, the poor guy has nowhere else to go. Do you think I'm just a leave the one I love out in the cold?" "The one you love? Per-lease!" said Sarah. "You only met the guy yesterday! And I've known him a long time, I know what he's like! He'll love you and leave you! And as for you, you're nothing like my old college mate! You've grown up to be a bitch who puts men before friends! But then, I'm not your friend, am I?" "Sarah..." said Jess. "Don't you Sarah me!" screamed Sarah. "Wes ain't the only one with nowhere to go now! You're out!" "I'm out? What do you mean?" said Jess. "Oh, do I have to spell it out for you?" said Sarah. "You've moved in, moved out, hands up, hands down, back up and tell me whatcha gonna do now? Keep rollin' rollin' outta my house, Bizkit freak!" "Oh, I'm happy to go!" said Jess. "Living with a trendie is like living in hell!" "Hey, don't I get a say in this?" said Wes. "No!" Sarah and Jess shouted at the same time. "OK, OK," said Wes, backing down. "Wes, you're coming with me, we're a find somewhere to live," said Jess. "I've made loads of friends in, like, one day, and I'm sure you know everyone. Anywhere's better than here!" Jess grabbed Wes's hand and pulled him away, slamming the door behind them. "Goooooood riddance!" Sarah called after them, even though they'd already gone. Then, the door opened and Wes came back in. "Forgot my hat," he said, grabbing his hat and then going out again. Sarah just shrugged. "Ah, bliss," said Jess, when Wes was outside again. "When I was in with Sarah, I forgot how good life was without her." "You only lived for her for one day!" said Wes. "Besides, where are we a go now?" "We have plenty of friends!" suggested Jess. "I mean, there's Bridget, she'd be really happy to have company. And Misti, we get on pretty well. And then there's James and Fred and Chester and Leanne and Faith and Lucinda and Adam and Michael and David and Angel..." "OK, OK, you've made your point!" Wes interrupted. "It's a bit unorthodox, but we're desperate." He sighed. He could tell that the fight was getting to Jess. They started knocking on doors. They went to Bridget first...but they walked in on her with Chester...oops. Next was Misti... Jess knocked on the door. "Hello? Misti?" she called. Misti didn't answer, but the door was open. They sneaked in and heard Kristi talking. "So who is it you fancy?" she said. Then came James's voice, really quiet, and it sounded like he said "Jess". "I think we should go now," Wes whispered to Jess. "We'll call round later." He tiptoed out of the door. "No we won't, this is interesting!" said Jess. But she said it too loud... "J-J-Jess!" said Kristi. "What a n-nice s-s-surprise! Y-You didn't hear that d-did you? N-Not that it's anything s-s-secret, it's j-just..." She trailed off. "Sorry, just looking for Misti," said Jess. "Is she in?" "Nope, she's round Angel's I think," replied Kristi. "See ya round!" She pushed Jess out of the door. "James fancies me!" Jess told Wes when they got outside. "Well he can arse off then," said Wes, "or I'll smack 'im one. So where's Misti?" "Round Angel's, Kristi thinks," said Jess. "We can see em both at the same time." They went to see Angel. They knocked on the door and she answered. "Hey Jess, Wes!" she said. "What's up?" "We have nowhere to live," said Jess, "and we wondered if you or Misti would put us up for a while." "Misti? Why'd you come round here to ask Misti?" asked Angel. "Kristi said she was round here," replied Jess. "Anyways, screw her. Will you help us out? Please?" "I thought you lived with Sarah," said Angel, "and Wes with Bianca." "We've been dumped," said Jess. "So pleeeeeeeeease will you help us?" "OK," said Angel, "but only until you find your own place. I don't know if I have room for two beds though..." "Oh, one'll be just fine," said Wes, "eh, Jess?" "Yeh," said Jess, putting her head on Wes's shoulder. "Aww," said Angel, "how could I refuse something so sweet?" "Thanks so much," said Wes. "I owe you big time!" "It's OK Wes," said Angel. "I'm an angel aren't I?" "A real angel for this!" said Jess. "I'm in your debt forever!" "But could you just do one thing for me?" asked Angel. "What's that?" said Jess. "Find Misti," replied Angel. *** Misti was in Adam's flat, with Adam's flatmate Michael MacMillan. "So where's Adam?" she asked. "He's out with Leanne," said Michael. "Leanne?" said Misti. "Yeh, Leanne," said Michael. "He goes clubbing with her. They're really good friends, them two." "Friends?" said Misti. "Nothing more?" "Don't think so," explained Michael. "They've been mates since they were kids. There's never been anything more between them!" "Good," said Misti, "cuz I came over here to ask him out." "Did you?" said Michael. "Really?" "Yeh," said Misti. "Could you tell him I called round?" "OK," said Michael, "what flat are you in? I'll tell him to look you up." "Second flat downstairs," replied Misti. "0-2, OK?" "Fine," said Michael, "I'll tell him." "See ya later," said Misti. "Bye!" "Bye," said Michael. Misti left the flat. "That girl is sweet." *** The days went on and so did everything else. Jess and Wes still lived with Angel, and Sarah and Bianca were still alone. Jess still thought James was in love with her, Sarah still thought he was in love with Kristi and only James and Kristi seemed to know the truth. Bridget and Chester were still at it all day and all night (do they ever get tired?), Adam and Leanne still went clubbing every night (and so did Mercedes, but she kinda got hammered every night too), Damien was still a little bastard and Misti was wondering why Adam hadn't talked to her yet. 3. Blue Lagoon (8th September 2001) "More tea?" said Misti to Angel. They were sitting in Misti's flat having a cup of tea. "Yeh, sure," said Angel. "Anything to get my mind off Wes and Jess." "Honestly, you're going mad," said Misti. "You can't even keep your teacup still!" "Neither can you," said Angel, "and you can't keep your table still either." "That's not me," said Misti. "I think it's an earthquake..." "It's coming from above," said Angel. "Let's go up and check it out," suggested Misti. They went upstairs and saw that it was the room above theirs that was shaking. They heard loud heavy breathing noises. "That's Bridget's room!" said Angel. "What could she be doing in there?" "I don't know," said Misti, "but I'ma find out!" She knocked on the door. It took a few minutes, but Bridget finally answered. "What do you want?" she said, sounding out of breath. "I just wondered what was going on," said Misti. "Our ceiling was shaking..." "Who is it baby?" someone called from the bedroom. "It's Misti and Angel, darling!" Bridget shouted back. "They just wanna know what we were doing!" "Well tell em it was something I can't remember the name of!" the other person said. "Some weird thingimajig from the Kama Sutra!" "Chester!" said Bridget. "Chester?" said Misti. "Chester..." said Angel. "Chester," said Chester, walking out of the bedroom wearing a blanket. "Yup, that's me. Hey girls." Angel ran off down the stairs. "Angel, wait!" Misti called after her. She then ran after her, almost knocking Kristi and James over. The two of them walked past Chester, sniggering. "What are you looking at?" said Chester. Kristi and James ignored him and went into Faith's flat. A minute later, they came out with Faith, Kismet (Faith's kid) and, to Bridget's surprise, Darien. "Darien!" said Bridget. "Where've you been?" "Kismet's house," said Darien. "Been there every day." "So Chester," said Bridget, turning to Chester, "all this time we've been doing it all the freakin' time, you've left your son with a 16-year-old girl who already has a little three-year-old kid to take care of." "I know, I know," said Chester, "but I just can't leave you alone! I love you too much, and I'm not sure I even know how to look after Darien any more!" "Well I'll tell ya what," said Bridget. "The two of you can move in with me, and I'll help you out. Is that OK?" "How about you move in with me?" suggested Chester. "Darien's used to my flat, it'll be much better for him." "OK," said Bridget. "Get out of that blanket and then we'll go." *** Meanwhile, Kristi, James and Faith were in Kristi's flat, talking. Kristi told Faith what she was keeping secret. "You gotta do it, James!" said Faith, after hearing the whole story. "All you have to do is just go next door and ask." "It's not that easy!" said James. "You know there's the other two there. I don't know what's going on there. What if Jess and Wes are...you know?" "I don't think so," said Faith. "Not like them at all, and if they are, they're both delusional after being kicked out an' all." "It'll never work between them," said Kristi. "Trust me." "So why don'tcha just ask?" said Faith. "There's no harm in asking." "Well I'll do it later, OK?" said James. "Nah, just go over now!" said Kristi. "Come on, I'm right behind ya." "Oh, OK," said James, hesitant. He and Kristi walked over to Angel's flat. Kristi hid behind the stairs and James knocked on the door. Misti answered. "Hi James," she said. "What's up?" "I'm looking for...erm..." said James. "Angel? She's in the lounge," said Misti. "No, I mean..." said James. "Oh, Jess," said Misti. "She's out somewhere with Wes." "Ah, OK then," said James. "I'll come back later." *** Later on, Misti was sitting in her flat, waiting for Adam to call, when she saw Michael outside. She went out to talk to him. "Hey Michael," said Misti. "Where's Adam?" "He's round Leanne's," said Michael. "They're going to Blue Lagoon tonight, are you going too? There's this party on tonight, Bianca's I think." "Oh, yeh," said Misti. "Got a date yet?" asked Michael. "Nope," replied Misti. "I'm just looking for someone." "Well what a coincidence, so am I!" replied Michael. "You wanna be my date?" "Erm...sure!" said Misti. "I'll see you there, yeh?" "OK!" said Michael. "Keep on rollin' baby!" He walked away, and Misti felt stuck. Why did she agree? Why? Uh-oh, here's Fred, better hide! Too late. "Helloooooo Misti!" said Fred. "You're lookin' mighty fine, I must say. And I also must say that I'm lookin' for a date for Bianca's freedom party tonight, so whaddaya say babe?" "Well, I..." Misti started. "Good!" Fred interrupted. "I'll pick you up at seven! Keep on rollin' baby!" He walked away, and now Misti was even more stuck. Michael's alright, but Fred? Adam walked over to Misti. "Hey Misti," he said, "you wanna come to Bianca's party tonight? It's at Blue Lagoon, my favourite club, and Leanne's staying with Faith." "Sure," said Misti. "Great, pick you up at nine," said Adam. "Keep on rollin' baby!" Damn, three dates. This'll be an interesting night... *** "Please will you guys help me?" Misti pleaded Angel and Sarah. "What can we do for you?" asked Angel. "Take two of my dates off my hands!" replied Misti. "I have three!" "Sorry, I already got a date," said Angel. "I'm going with James." "And I'm going with Billy," said Sarah. "Sorry!" "Come on, Sarah, let's go to your flat and get ready," said Angel. "You coming, Misti? We have loads of make-up." "Naw, you guys go ahead," said Misti. "I might come along later." "OK," said Sarah. "See ya!" As she and Angel left, Jess and Wes came home. "Hey Mis!" said Jess. "Why the long face?" "I have three dates," said Misti. "Ain't that a good thing?" asked Wes. "Not really," said Misti. "I could really do with a couple of people..." She stared wickedly at Jess and Wes. "And I think I've found them. This is a party you two haven't been invited to, right?" "Well, we haven't heard about any party," said Jess. "So what's the plan?" "You two dress up as me and..." said Misti. "No no no no no!" Wes refused. "I am not going to a party with a man, especially not dressed up as a girl! No way!" "Ah, come on Wes," said Misti. "I'm your friend, do it for me?" "No!" said Wes. "Do it for me?" begged Jess. "Pleeeeeeeeease?" "Oh, how can I refuse that face?" said Wes. "Alright then, but if only one fake Misti has a fake lesbian affair with the other fake Misti..." "That's cool with me, baby," said Jess in her best baby voice. "Cool with me too as long as there's no real Misti involved," said Misti. "Now let's go to my flat and get ready." *** When they got to Misti's flat, Misti poked her head round the door. "Good, no Kristi," she said. "Come on in, coast is clear." They all walked into the flat and locked themselves in the bathroom. "Now, for you Jess, I have some black hair-dye, and Wes, you'll have to wear a wig," Misti thought out loud. "I think you're both thin enough to fit in my dresses, and I have plenty of make-up and nail-varnish...hmm, Wes, you'll need fake nails. I have loads of silver jewellery and stuff, I can draw on the tattoos and I have some stick-on nose rings left from when I was young. I think you'll both fit in my shoes too...perfect. This'll work just fine." They went through all of it. They started by doing Jess's hair, which took ages by itself. Then, Misti drew their tattoos and did their nails and make-up. Next came the dresses, which took a lot of fitting (Jess was a little chubbier than Misti had originally thought, and Wes...need we explain?). Last came the finishing touches, the jewellery and the nose rings. "How do we look?" asked Jess, when all was finished. "You look perfect, Jess," replied Misti, "but Wes has something missing. What could it be?" She thought for a bit. "I know! Breasts!" Wes gulped. "Do I have to?" "Yes!" said Misti. "Do you want Fred to know he's going out with a bloke?" "Oh, alright," said Wes, "put em in." Misti gave him a bra to put on and some stuff to put in. It took a while to get them the right size, but eventually they did. "There," said Misti, "perfect. Now, Wes, Fred's picking you up at seven, we'll hide here and keep you company until he comes. Then, when you've gone, I'll take you down, Jess. Michael's meeting you there. Now, since Adam's picking me up at nine, I'll be back here getting ready. Remember, avoid each other as much as possible, and if you need me, call my mobile, OK?" "OK," said Jess. "We'll make great Mistis." "We sure will," said Wes, still fixing his bra. "Good," said Misti. "Thanks so much, you guys. Now let's party!" *** "Why can't we come in?" Chester asked the bouncer. "You two are banned," the bouncer replied. "Next time, think before you have sex all over our facilities!" "But that's not fair!" complained Bridget. "We were drunk!" "So what?" said the bouncer. "You still did it." Someone tapped him on the back. "Is there a problem?" she said. It was Lucinda. "Yeh," said the bouncer. "These two made a mess of my club!" "Do you know Mercedes Mayne?" said Lucinda. "M-M-Mercedes?" the bouncer stuttered. "W-What about her?" "You're lucky I'm talking to you, I'm just a messenger," said Lucinda. "I know what Miss Mayne wants, and she'd consider it a personal favour if you'd assist these lovely people, OK?" "OK," said the bouncer. "But no funny business, right? And please, keep this from Miss Mayne." "Will do," said Lucinda. "Come on, Bridge, Chester." The next two people to come in were Wes "Misti" and Fred. They waved to the bouncer, and he didn't suspect a thing. Until, two minutes later, another girl, who looked just like Misti (ie: Jess), came in. The bouncer thought he was seeing things... Just after 9pm, Misti herself came in (and the bouncer was even more confused). She got out her mobile and called Jess and Wes, telling them to meet her in the ladies' room, and so they did. "Wow!" said Wes. "I must be the first guy ever to come in here!" "Second," said Jess, gesturing at Chester's hat on the floor. "So, how's the night going for you two?" Misti asked. "Fine," said Jess. "Michael's a really good dancer." "Not Fred," said Wes, "he can't dance for fudge! He stepped on my feet at least three times, he's so crap!" "Well deal with it," said Misti. "We only got a couple more hours to go. Anyone know there's three of us yet?" "Don't think so," said Jess. "I haven't seen either of you two around until now." "Great," said Misti. "We just might pull this off. Thanks again, guys, you rock." Just then, a strange-looking woman walked in. "Hi Misti!" she said, in a really high voice. "I'm Bridget!" "Chester..." said all three Mistis at the same time, turning round. "How'd you know it was me?" said Chester. "Arg! Am I seeing triple?" "Yeh, you are," said Wes, forgetting to make his voice sound feminine. "Hey, you're a man!" said Chester. "I'm not!" said Jess. As she said it, her nose ring fell off. "And you're a woman!" said Chester. "Without a nose ring! Alright, what's going on? Who are you people?" "I'm Misti," said Misti. "I promise you, I'm really Misti." "And you other two are..." said Chester. "Jess," said Jess. "Wes," said Wes, taking off his wig. "Oh my God," laughed Chester. "This is madness!" "Hey babes, you found your hat?" said Bridget, as she walked in, dressed in Chester's clothes. "Whoa. Three Mistis? Or rather, two Mistis and Wes in a dress?" "Long story," said Jess, "and I'm Jess, by the way." "Will you not tell anyone?" said Misti. "Please?" "We won't," promised Bridget, "our lips are sealed." "Here's my hat," said Chester, picking his hat up off the floor, "we'd better go. Hey Wes, love the tits!" "I'll give you love the tits!" said Wes, held back by Misti. "Don't fight," said Misti, "you'll ruin your nails." Chester laughed. "Chester, come in here," said Bridget, opening a cubicle door, "we'll get changed." "Let's get outta here," said Misti, "one at a time though. Jess, put your nose ring back on, and Wes, cover your head. I'll go first, you two follow, OK?" Misti walked out, and a couple minutes later, Jess followed. After another couple minutes, Wes left too, with Bridget and Chester (they'd finished changing). At 11pm, they all went to Bianca's sister's house. "S'great ter see ye a Bestley again," said Belinda, the sister. "Tha' Wesley, well, 'e was a birrova bastard wan 'e? Dunno why the 'ell ye ever married 'im." Little did she know that Wes could hear them. "Common tosser," he said. "How dare she bitch me...uh, Wes, behind his back?" "Ah, leave it," said Fred, "it's not like she's bitchin' on you, is it?" One of Bianca's cousins was a DJ, and he was playing the music. "Now I'ma slow it down for yall," he said, as he changed the track. "This next track's a classic, called 'Eternal Flame', and I'm playing it just for Michelle, my love of my life." Adam was looking for Misti, so he could dance with her. "Hey, you seen Misti?" he asked Michael. "I was about to ask you the same thing," Michael replied. "I'm Misti's date, see." "No, I'm Misti's date!" said Adam. "Arse off, man!" "I'll tell you what," said Michael, "why don't we let Misti decide, eh?" "Fine by me," said Adam. "Misti!" they both called. Misti and Jess walked up to them. "Yes?" they said together. "Uh-oh..." "Hang on," said Adam. "Why are there two of you?" "Well, three people asked me out," explained Misti, "so I got two people to dress up as me. This is Jess." "Who was Jess with?" asked Michael. "I was with you," said Jess. "Ha!" said Adam. "Three Mistis?" said Michael, changing the subject. "Who's the third one, and who's she with?" "He," said Misti. "Wes is with Fred." "Wes?" Adam and Michael said together. They both burst out laughing. "I may not have got the real Misti, but at least I got a girl!" said Michael. "Ooh, what's he look like in a dress?" said Adam. "And did he have fake titties in?" said Michael. "I wish I could see Fred's face when he gets his love into bed and then finds out it's Wes!" said Adam. "Gets him into bed?" said Jess. "Yeh, Fred always has sex with his dates," said Adam. "Oh no!" said Misti. "We gotta get him out of there! Have you seen them, guys?" Michael looked around. "They're going upstairs now!" "Oh arse," said Jess, "we'll never catch em!" "We will if we're quick," said Misti. "Come on!" She grabbed Jess's hand and ran, completely forgetting that they weren't meant to be together. But they were too late. "Come on, babe, in here," Fred said to Wes, dragging him into one of the rooms and locking the door. "Let's do it properly, lovingly, this time." Wes was trapped. There was no way out. He'd have to just freak Fred out, so he lay down on the bed. "OK," said Wes, "hit me baby, one more time!" Fred tore at Wes's clothes. The nose ring and some of the nails came off, but Fred hadn't noticed (though Wes wished he had). Soon he was down to his underwear, and that's when Fred noticed. "Arg!" screamed Fred. "Misti, you weren't a man last time I looked! Your bra is all stuffed with crap and you're wearing men's underwear! Who the heck are you?" Wes shook his head so that his wig came off. "Wes," he said. "I'll explain later, but can I please get dressed first?" "I can't believe you did this to me, man!" Fred cried. "No wonder Misti didn't reject me, it was you all along! You're gay, you're gay! And I'ma get you for this!" "What are you gonna do?" said Wes. When Wes was dressed, he and Fred went downstairs. "Hey! Everyone!" Fred shouted. Most people turned and stared. "Wes is a gay poof! He came dressed as a woman and tried to have sex with me!" Some people laughed, others were silent in amazement. Bianca and James walked over to him. "Wes, what are you doing here?" Bianca ranted. "This is my party and I didn't invite you! This is meant to be a freedom party, a party about me getting on without you! You're not supposed to be here!" "Hey, leave him alone! He can come to any party he likes, and I want him here!" said James. He turned to Wes. "Wes, I think I'm falling in love with you! Will you please go out with me?" "He's not gay!" shouted Jess, running up to him. "Misti?" said Fred. "No, I'm Jess, Misti's over there," said Jess. "Wait, are you telling me Wes isn't gay?" said James. "After all the courage I managed to pull together to ask him out, he's not gay?" "I'm sorry James," said Wes, "but I'm not. I only dressed up as Misti because I was asked to, as a favour. But I will give you this." Wes kissed James on the lips. "Wow," said James, "you're amazing. If you're ever confused about what you are, you know where I am." "You mean I'm living with a poof?" said Fred. "I can't believe this! James, you're moving out!" "And so are you two!" shouted Angel, joining the group. "I'm sick of you doing it all night, every night! When I need quiet time, I hear Limp Bizkit loud enough to break the sound barrier, and when I need some whipped cream, I find out you've used it all! I've tried as hard as I can to live with it, but I just can't take it any more!" Bridget and Chester walked up to them. "You three can live in my old flat," said Bridget. "Now I've moved in with Chester, it's all yours." "But I'm in love with Wes," said James. "What if I make a move on him?" "I'll understand," said Wes. "Besides, you're not a bad kisser." "Thanks," said James, hugging Wes. "We'll move in tomorrow." *** Surely enough, Jess, Wes and James moved into their new flat the very next day, and Bridget finished moving into Chester's flat. Maybe this time, they'll stay where they're meant to be living, but who knows? Find out in next week's episode. 4. Phased Out (15th September 2001) For one month, all in Pink House was peaceful. Well, Wes and James had got into wearing women's clothes, but that's about it. Until today, when Misti was getting excited... "Ooh, he's here, he's here!" she said, jumping up and down. "Lemme guess," said Kristi. "Morpheus." "Yup yup yup!" said Misti. "He's outside!" Morpheus Miristi was Misti's long-time boyfriend. He and his band, Phased Out, were moving into Pink House today. "Misti!" called Morpheus as he ran into her arms. "Morphy!" Misti called back. They greeted each other with a hug and a kiss. "So Misti, how's life?" asked Morpheus. "Been dating anyone else?" "Well actually, I recently had three dates to the same dance," said Misti. "I had to get my friends Wes and Jess to dress up as me!" "Wow!" said Morpheus. "You're quite the popular girl aren't you? And I really can't imagine good ol' Wes Williams in a dress! As for this Jess girl...I don't know her. You just have to introduce me sometime!" "You live just near Jess, Wes and James actually," said Misti. "You're in 1-4, they're in 1-2." "Cool," said Morpheus. "James...hmm...Fred's friend? The blonde one?" "Yup," said Misti, "that's him. So how are your lot?" "Oh, they're all fine," said Morpheus. "You remember Basil and Ken, of course." Basil Borland and Ken Kitten walked up to Misti. "Hey Misti," said Basil, "nice to see you again." He shook her hand. "Does that Lisanne still live here?" asked Ken. "She's a bit of alright ain't she?" "Yup, and her name's Leanne," said Misti. She turned to Morpheus. "Where's Sebastian? Isn't he here?" "Oh, didn't I mention it?" said Morpheus. "Sebastian's left the band." "That's too bad," said Misti. "Why'd he leave?" "Got married," said Morpheus. "He wanted to spend more time with his wife." "Aww, bless," said Misti. "So, whatcha doing about a lead singer then?" "Well," replied Morpheus, "we've decided we're a use a woman this time." "Oh really?" said Misti, smiling. "Yeh," said Morpheus, "and here she is. Serena Starr." A stunningly pretty girl got out of Morpheus' car. "Hello, you must be Misti," she said, in her posh London accent. "I'm Serena, the new lead singer of Phased Out. Utterly charmed to meet you, dear." She shook hands with Misti. "You know, I've heard a hell of a lot about you from Morpheus, Misti. Apparently you are a lovely girl. You know, people call me lovely too back in my home town of Camden, and there's a lovely long story of how I got into this delightful band. I'll tell you after I take some of my stuff in. Come on, my dear chums, help me carry it." Serena, Ken and Basil took some suitcases out of the car and started carrying them in. "She doesn't half go on a bit," said Misti. "Yeh, but we put up with it," said Morpheus. "It's well worth it, she's an amazing singer. Well, I better help them lot, see ya round love!" "Bye," said Misti. Damn, she thought, that Serena's a be damn right annoying. *** While Morpheus, Basil and Ken were moving in, Serena was having a cup of tea with the girls (Misti, Angel, Sarah and Jess) in Angel's flat. "More tea, anyone?" asked Angel, getting up. "Oh, another cup for me, please," said Serena. "Your tea is just marvellous. Are you from London too?" "No, I'm from Bath," replied Angel. "Oh, Bath," said Serena. "That's a lovely place too. My mother's from there." "Hey, are you getting tea or what?" said Sarah. "I'll have another cup too, cheers." "OK, OK!" said Angel. "Anyone else for tea? Misti? Jess?" "Naw, I'm good," said Jess. "Me too," said Misti. Angel went to the kitchen to make some more tea. "You ladies are just delightful!" said Serena. "Where are the rest of you from?" "The rest of us are just from the Brummie slums that surround Pink House," said Jess. "Dirty, but I came out alright, didn't I?" "What a pity," hesitated Serena. "I thought you'd have more style than that..." "Actually," interrupted Misti, "I'm from a better part of town. Birmingham has its good points, y'know!" "Oh good," said Serena. "It's nice to know that someone's not quite so...dirty. It's not as nice as Camden though, is it?" As Misti, Sarah and Jess whispered behind Serena's back, Basil poked his head round the door. "Serena, flat's ready!" he called. "Wanna take a quick look?" "Lovely!" said Serena. "I'll be back soon, chums, I have an apartment to look at!" She left the room and went upstairs. "Mind if I sit with you ladies?" asked Basil. "No, not at all," said Sarah. "Come sit down...next to me." Basil sat where Angel had been sitting. "So, what do ya think of Serena?" said Basil. "She's a bit...well..." said Jess. "Up herself," said Misti. "She thinks she's the best thing since sliced knickers, just because she's from London! And she looks down on us cuz we're Brummies!" "Yeh, I know what you mean," drawled Basil. "It took quite a while for her to swallow that I'm from Tenessee, but she's not so bad now she lived with us for a few months." "Tenessee?" said Sarah, interested. "That's pretty cool, huh? I don't think we've had an American in Pink House before." "What you on about?" said Jess. "Wes is American, you know!" "Oh, sorry, I forgot," giggled Sarah. Misti sighed. "Easy to forget when you're..." she started. "Yeh, I'm just a silly little girl sometimes!" Sarah cut in, attempting an American accent. The other girls sniggered. Angel walked in with three cups of tea. "I've got the...where's Serena?" she said, suprised. "And who..." "I'm Basil, I live with her," said Basil, "unfortunately. Hey, is that coffee?" "It's tea actually," said Angel, trying to walk on tiptoes while still carrying the tray, "but if you'd prefer coffee then I'll...arg!" She tripped and dropped her tray, smashing the cups and covering the floor in tea. "Just drop the tea on the floor," said Misti, annoyed. "Need any help?" "Erm...if you wouldn't mind," said Angel. "I'll help too," volunteered Jess, getting up. "And me," said Basil. "No, no, no, Basil!" said Sarah. "You're the guest! Tell ya what, they'll clean up, while I stay and keep you company!" "Oh Sarah, get off your arse!" said Jess. They all laughed. "You're funny," said Basil. "How about you stay here, eh? I'm sure a nice girl like you would prefer to sit down and...unless you don't want to." "OK, if you insist," said Jess. "Great," said Basil. "Wanna go in the other room? This flat's really pretty, it's yours right? I think of you as the kind of person who..." "No, it's my flat actually," said Angel. "Oh, sorry," said Basil. "I shoulda asked first." "It's fine," said Angel, maliciously. "You just go sit on my sofa." "OK," said Basil. "Come on...what's your name..." "Jess," said Jess, "Jess Dawson." "That's nice," said Basil, "I like the name Jess. I'm Basil Borland, by the way." "Pleased to meet you," said Jess. They went into the living room and sat on the sofa. "So," asked Basil, "where do you live?" "Flat 1-4," replied Jess. "You?" "1-2!" said Basil. "So we're right opposite each other!" "You can come over any time if you need a break from Serena," said Jess. "Thanks," said Basil, "I think I'll need a lot of breaks from Serena. So who do you live with? You on your own?" "Nope," said Jess. "I live with my boyfriend Wes and his boyfriend James. It's a bit of a weird arrangement, but it works out OK." "So he's like, two-timing?" said Basil. "Not really," said Jess. "We're just a threesome. Literally, sometimes!" Basil fake-laughed. "Sounds like fun," he said, hesitantly. *** Later that day, Jess, Sarah, Misti and Angel went shopping. Serena wanted to come along, but they kept making up excuses so she didn't. As well as talking too much and thinking herself better than everyone else, she was also clingy... "Like, oh my God, I'm glad we managed to get rid of Serena," said Sarah. "I wonder how poor Morpheus puts up with her!" said Misti. "Not to mention poor Basil," said Angel. "Hey Jess, what did you two talk about? You told him about Wes, right?" "Yeh, course I did!" said Jess. "It's obvious he likes me." "And it's obvious that someone likes him," said Misti, looking at Angel and Sarah. "Serena?" said Angel and Sarah at the same time. "Possibly," said Jess. "So, you guys wanna go try on clothes?" "Sure," said Misti. "Where first?" "We need somewhere with lots of changing rooms," said Jess, "so we can all try on things at the same time." They ended up going round lots of shops, and every shop they went into, Angel and Sarah asked Misti and Jess things about Basil (for example, what he likes his girlfriends to look like), and then went into the changing rooms and tried on outfits that were pretty much the same. It was difficult to tell them apart, and Jess started to mix them up. "Sorry, I'm a bit...well, preoccupied," she explained. "Hey, I'm sure you were a 12, Jess," said Misti, "but today, you're having to wear 14s or even 16s. Do you think since you've been around Wes so much, you're..." "Eating too much, I know!" Jess interrupted. "You know what he's like, he likes us to have all these big dinners. Hey, would you mind if I go on my own for a bit? I have to meet, erm...Lisa-Marie at the...bus station. She wanted to borrow my bus pass, you see..." "Fine, I'll go with ya," suggested Misti. "No, no, no!" said Jess. "She said I have to meet her on my own." "Since when were you friends with Lisa-Marie anyway?" said Sarah. "Just yesterday you said you hated the whole Pitchards family..." "I gotta go, I'm late!" shouted Jess, running off. "The bus station's the other way!" Angel called after her. Jess didn't reply. "I don't get her!" said Sarah. "She's going to meet someone she doesn't like, on her own, for a really stupid reason, running, going the long way round when she said a minute ago that her feet are killing her..." "It's a lie," said Misti, "a blatant lie." *** Jess stopped running and sat on a bench outside the chemist's, out of breath, and next to her was Bridget. "Bridget!" said Jess. "I didn't expect to see you here, I thought you and Chester were staying in today." "We changed our minds," said Bridget, "we thought we'd go for a little walk." "Where is he then?" asked Jess. "He saw...Fred, and had to stop to talk," said Bridget. "Where are you off to?" "Bus station," said Jess, "I have to meet Lisa-Marie." "Oh," said Bridget. "Hey look, isn't that Chester now?" said Jess, pointing down the street so Bridget would turn away, and while she did, Jess ran into the chemist's. *** The next day, Jess was pacing around her dining room, waiting for Wes to come back from Morpheus' flat. Lucky for her, James had gone to see Kristi, so he'd be out of the way. Jess had made lunch ready for Wes, and she knew he'd missed breakfast, so he'd eat pretty fast. Maybe if she told him between bites, he would barely notice... The door opened. He's back, thought Jess. She started biting her nails. She was shivering all over. What would he think? "Honey, I'm home!" he said, hugging her. "Hope you don't mind, I've brought Ken and Baz over for a while, that Serena was getting annoyed with them. Wanted some time with Morpheus I think, the little slag that she is. Is that OK with you?" "Sure," said Jess, smiling, "I've made enough lunch for everyone." Ken and Basil walked in behind Wes, saying hello as they walked in. Phew, she thought. This'll buy me some time. "Wow!" said Wes, looking at the lunch. "You made this lot just for the two of us? You're a star, babe!" He kissed her. "I just couldn't resist treating you," said Jess, thinking that she'd have to make a big dinner as well. "So, Jess," said Basil, "how's life?" "Oh, life's...fine, just perfect," said Jess. Hmm, maybe she could take Wes out tonight? Yeh, that'd be better, he couldn't make a scene in a restaurant. "Hey Wes, since I made so much lunch, you wanna go out tonight? You know, just the two of us?" "Yeh, that'd be great," said Wes. "I'd like that." "Me...too," stuttered Jess. She had a feeling this wasn't gonna go down well. *** Fred knocked on Sarah's door, dressed in his best clothes, holding some cheap, wilting flowers. I hope she's in, he thought to himself. "Sarah! Sarah!" he called, banging the door like crazy. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Sarah called back. Fred started laughing. Not a good move, he thought. Shut up, he told himself, she'll never go out with you! Sarah opened the door, towel round her body, curlers in her hair, phone in her hand. "Basil, I'll call you back," she said, putting Basil on hold. "Fred?" "Erm...hi, Sarah," he said. "I just wondered, you wanna go out tonight?" Sarah hesitated. She didn't really want to go out with him, but she felt sorry for him. "Come in," she sweetly said. They sat on the sofa in Sarah's living room. "These are for you," said Fred, giving Sarah the flowers. "Thanks," said Sarah. "So you wanna go out then?" Fred asked her. "I dunno," Sarah replied. "Come on!" said Fred. "I got two tickets to the Linkin Park gig..." "Oh my God!" said Sarah. "I've been trying to get tickets to that for ages! How did you get them?" "I been asking favours all last week," said Fred. "Misti told me how much you wanted to go, so I asked everyone I know for them. They cost a bomb, but I didn't care. What you want is all that matters to me." "Aww!" said Sarah, hugging Fred. "I just can't believe you did so much for me!" "I like you, Sarah," he said. "It's tonight. See ya then!" "Tonight?" said Sarah. "Hold on." She took Basil off hold. "Hi Basil? Date's off, I got other plans. Bye!" She put the phone down. "And Misti also told me how much you're into Basil," said Fred. "So to cancel a date with him just like that...you've sacrificed something too." "Oh, stuff Basil!" said Sarah. "He doesn't even care about me. He probably won't even give a damn that I've cancelled!" *** But he did give a damn. How could she? he thought. I know she fancies me...but hey, that clears the way for me to ask Jess out. He called her... "Hello, is that Jess? Hi, it's me Basil. I just wondered, if you're not busy, we could go out tonight...oh, you are? What you doing? The Black Sheep, eh? No, I've tried asking Sarah out, she's busy. Angel? What's her number? Thanks, bye!" OK, that's her done with, thought Basil. Surely Angel won't be busy. I'll call her. "Angel? It's Baz. Listen, you ever been to The Black Sheep? Apparently it's a great restaurant. You have? Do you like it there? Cool. Pick you up at seven? See ya!" There, I've got my date. Now I have an alibi, I can move in on Jess... *** "I thought we were going to the concert," said Sarah, as she and Fred walked into The Black Sheep. "That starts late," said Fred, "we got ages yet. Besides, I thought you might be hungry. You can't mosh on an empty stomach, you know!" "True," said Sarah. "You've thought of everything, haven't you? Hey, there's Wes and Jess! Hi guys!" She waved. "Sarah! Fred!" said Wes. "Pull up a chair, we got space." Sarah and Fred sat down next to Wes and Jess. "Erm...you won't be staying too late, will you?" asked Jess. "Naw, we only want sumtin' light," replied Fred. "We're going out later." "Cool, where you going?" said Wes. "Linkin Park concert! Woo-hoo!" said Sarah. "I can't wait! Fred, I love you!" She kissed Fred. He blushed. "Aww, that's so cute, young love," said Wes. "Just like us, eh babe?" He put his arm around Jess. "Yeh, just like us," she said, smiling. Good, she thought. If we're that much in love, he won't mind a bit... A little later, Basil and Angel came along. "Hey look, there's Wes and Jess and Sarah and Fred!" said Angel. "How about we turn their double-date into a triple?" "No thanks," said Basil. "I came to be with you." Translation: I better watch from a distance. It'd be much better. They chose a table far away from the others, but so they could still look at them. Basil hoped that they wouldn't call him and Angel over, but they probably didn't notice them, and if they did they didn't care. The night went on and Sarah and Fred left. Jess had noticed Basil before, but she decided not to talk to him, and now she'd forgotten he was there. It's time, she thought. Wes was still eating fast, she could tell him now. He took a sip of his beer. "It's nice to be alone for once, just the two of us," he said. "Don't get me wrong, I like James, but it's creepy the way he's in love with me." "Yeh," said Jess. "Wes, I took you out tonight because...I gotta tell you...erm, something kinda big. And I'd just like to say to that I love you..." "Aww, I love you too," said Wes. "That's not it," said Jess, "you should know that. What I mean is you gotta still love me...you gotta promise..." "I promise I love you," said Wes. "No, I mean...you gotta promise you'll love me whatever..." Jess stuttered. "I'll love you whatever," said Wes, confused. "That's what you took me out to say?" He finished off his beer. Grr...I gotta say it, thought Jess... "Wes, I'm pregnant!" |